What for am I alive?

This is the first diary so let me talk about serious topic (as you know, I am always serious)
What do you want to become? What's your ideal person?
Of course the answers are different from people.
Some of answers is a person who contribute to japanese economic growth, some of answers are a person who make other people happier, and some of them might be a person who earn a lot of money.

My answer is a person who make people happier. I think that a lot of people say so but the detalis are totally diferrent; what kind of people, how to do it.

Let me show my episode.

When I was 20 years old, I worked as a manager of small shop in the downtown. The business is legal but not clearly legal like a casino. The owner was my exgirlfriend. When I started working, the condition of this shop was terrible. Every month there was over $5,000(US) loss, customers were few, and she didn't have any money. While I followed her going to consumer finance shops, I worked over 15 hours every day.

This shop was in the down town so there are some gange-banger coming to our shop in order to squeeze money from a shop on the verge of bankruptcy. They sometimes came to our shop and prevent from our business and try to make her working at a sextual shop. Except this time, I have never felt that I want to kill someone.

Furthermore she was accused by her ex-boyfriend who was a joint owner of this shop. And then we went to the court though we do not have enough time and money. The problem was very tiny thing. Just he wanted us to feel bad. After that, he came to our shop and he try to kill himself by cutting his wrist with cutter knife.

2 month after I became a manager I decided to close our shop. Even though there are few customers she likes this shop very much. This was the first time she have owned a shop. She was crying a lot and accepted my offer. She was little foolish but I really understood that she likes this shop and I also like it because a few customers are very kind and make us cheer. While she was preparing to close it, gradually she has been broken.

When we finish closing the shop, what left for us are the debt $30,000 and her mental desease. I saw her trying to kill herself with cutter knife and I stopped with crying. Finally she returned her parents home.

During working, I worked every day at the shop and did all negotiation including in the court and it was me to decied to make her return her home. If I had had more management skill and money, the result would have changed. I understand that I couldn't make my girlfriend happy.

In my case, only kindness is no meaning when people are facing serious problem. When my friends have such a situation, I absolutely help them. Never escape. Never repeat it. That's why I have been studying. I don't have any interest in japanese economy or politics. Just I want to become a peroson who can help people around me especilly girlfriend, family, friend.